Cman's Datingish

How dose an outsider break up a bad couple?

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:19:56 GMT

Months ago my first post was about a girl I called Miss N, I detailed how she keeps going back to a guy who mocks her and abuses her. Well she is still seeing him this is what I found out the other day.
The guy keeps numerous e-mail girlfriends all over (isn't that enough?). The other day, she was over at his house he was on the computer. She asked "What are you doing?" he responded with a smirk "Deleting mail from all my girlfriends" and laughed. He thought he was smart because he has his own password protected profile. Unbeknownst to him she knows the password. Sure enough smart ass deleted stuff but left it in the trash. The email was all about her to another girl, about how Miss N "forced herself on him" and he "has no feelings for her, but she is good enough to keep around and use",(mostly for $ and sex) and laughing " hahaha isn't funny how she don't know how pathetic she is", then he went on and on about how "beautiful" the girl he was writing to really is.
This pisses me off on so many levels, first this girl is a real genuine sweetheart, my wife has certain disabilities, and she looks out for her (they work together). Not to mention the girl is beautiful without knowing it, wifey says "its her eyes you get lost in them". What pisses me off, most is he acts so freakin superior, one of those wolves in sheeps clothing, lures you in with that nice guy shit, just to see other girls behind your back. Before any of this even happened, he would call my wife to talk about how much he loved Ms N, but I knew then what kind of guy he was. Guys don't really need that pillowtalk(maybe teens), I knew he just needed the ego boost of talking to girls all day.
Anyway does anyone have any suggestions on what to tell this girl? She keeps breaking up with him, just to go back!
I am sick of hearing about it, but wifey feels responsible cause she put them together
(yes she fell for his routine, much to my mixed dismay and amusement, for details read my first post)
I kinda wanna go beat him, and her, him just to take him down a noch, and her because she is foolish, and needs to wake up. Intllegently I doubt this would help so what would?

My Marriage/life in a poem

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 17:08:16 GMT

I was fifteen, and suicide was my biggest dream.
I come from a world few understand,
caught between two different races of man.
And my family only used feelings, to get an upper hand.
But, when I took it to heart they got scared.

My father died too soon, Alas I was but two
But, God gave me a piece of his soul, so I would know what to do.
It told me to always bring the truth, and they said “thats not for you!”
You see people ashamed of themselves, hate the truth,
They fight and try to force you, to wear the shoe
like its your fault, even when its something you didn't do
Suddenly, then came you

Without you I would have never been,
Ive lived inside you for so long, your my second skin.
It wasn't until you walked into my life, that it began

For the first time, I touched love, what a rush!
accompanied with a healthy heaping of lust
finally, someone, something In this life I could trust.

Sickness, poverty, depression, things we always have to confront,
and always we had the same thought “NEVER GIVE UP!”
But one day something inside me started to rust,

Like a car on a muddy road without traction,
for to long you have spoke, without the action.
Its lead to many broken promises, and that I can't sanction

Kind words, more and more replaced with impatience,
sarcastic replies, and quite fights, leads to days wasted
how can we stay the same if we are always changing?

Now I am starting to feel unsure,
I don't know who is more torn
are we in love or is that love gone?

Inter-Gender hand shaking

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 17:11:03 GMT

I've never exactly been sure on the best way to shake hands with a woman. I guess out of some antiquated Idea, I've always thought, you were supposed to keep your palm semi flat, and give a light squeeze. Lately I have been noticing some women seem irritated by this, preferring instead to shake normally, or gripping my hand more strongly than I would have anticipated. We all know how important 1st impressions are, in EVERY situation so I was hoping to get some feedback. How should a man shake a woman's hand?

Don't Be Kanye

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:14:04 GMT

Many people seem to think Kanye West is some sort of rebirth, I’ve never understood that. His freshman album was the shit that I will concede. His beats, are innovative and some of the best. But just because he’s preppy, he aint changing the game. So what if we can now where pink polo’s while we talk about how much money we have. He’s good, but he doesn’t have what the greats had. Come on “drunk and hot girls?” “Big brother?”
How many albums is he gonna say “I told you so on?” And If he is so obsessed with college why not go back and graduate, set a real example? I guess he figures” I don’t need it cuz I’m rich, but I’ll talk about it forever.” But what gets me the most is Kanye’s raps come this close to saying something important, but then he hides behind all the same clichés as everyone else.
Its Immortal Technique and those like him will save Hip Hop. His Political Views are frightening, but he doesn’t compromise his integrity, he raps about things he’s actually done, (the good and the bad) and tries to break down the business and explain how labels use their artists, urging others to be aware. He started by hustling his own album, selling his Cd’s out of a car in Harlem almost ten years ago, garnered himself a decent following, both domestically and abroad, and has even declined offers to be on labels. Its always been about going agianst the grain.

Why Hip Hop is Not

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:55:01 GMT

It’s been a catch phrase for a while. But for those of us who were actually old enough in the 90’s to appreciate it we know Hip-HOP, is dead. Not because we lack artists or talent but because record companies won’t take risks. Anyone who lives in Brooklyn can put on B-cat and see talented people at odd times of the night rap just to rap. There are talented artists all over; the real problem is by the time an album drops, it’s been so preformatted and polished, and that it sounds just like something else.

In an age where sales are down, and a recession is on the horizon, companies don’t want to take risks. This results in them trying to lead the artist through well-traveled routes that are safe and profitable. Real Fans however understand that individualism is as important as the beat is. Hip-hop has an innate ability to constantly reinvent itself. But the bulk of what’s on the shelves is all copycats. Anyone who has been around long enough and listens carefully will notice, most songs either, name the greats of the 90’s, or slightly change their lyrics.

Why did Biggie and Tupac rise in the 90’s? Because it was unexpected, labels, called a fad, originally shunned Hip Hop. So people took it to the streets rapped from there heart. Not for a world audience, or the mainstream public. They did if for themselves and there friends. When people heard it, they were shocked it was explicit, it was honest, and it was unpolished. It then became world phenomena. That’s why there was the controversy over Dr. Dre’s the Chronic, and the constant drama with Tupac Shakur. Until then No one else had articulated what minorities, and poor urban teens go through so well to such a wide audience. Here artists are explaining how America’s hidden racism works, to the entire international community. Now people have to be confronted with reality, which gets embarrassing!

I have no doubt in my mind that the big label executives prefer, when artist rap about cars, chains, and guns. These are products that can be branded, and sold, and then each used to sell the other. The ultra macho image, hip-hop has become is as a result of cooperate America trying to commodify it. What saddens me most is that the next generation won’t even know what true hip-hop is. I have to wonder, will Hip Hop ever come off life support

No Mess just STRETCH!

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:42:26 GMT

Stretching is easily the most underrated exercise ever devised. Even though it is often more relevant to your daily life than most exercises. Take for instance the fact that stretching in the morning can improve your flexibility and agility up to 30% in a day; you can’t say that about arm curls, or steppers. In fact a good stretch for long periods of time is work out all of its own The yoga and Pilates trend may have made a lot of people more aware of this, but many are still in the dark.

It’s easy to get disheartened if you don’t have time to work out, maybe even a week or two, but stretching helps to maintain your muscles. Leg stretches are especially important to woman, as statistics show they are prone to knee and leg injuries much more often than men. Men tend to get Groin and back injuries. So they should focus on hips, and back stretches.

Couple stretching can be more fun than doing it alone, (sometimes early on any excuse to touch is good!) and doing this together when you come home after work at the end of the day is infinitely better than turning on the TV (although you can put it on if you must!)

Does anyone else have a jealous stretching partner

When is enough enough?

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:32:07 GMT

There are many reasons to break up. The worse reasons include adultery, Domestic violence, and robbery. Sometimes people simply grow apart. I have seen, and experienced all of these, troubled endings, personally or vicariously through my family members. What I have always tried to discern is why so many people, accept these conditions for years without confronting and trying to change them.

The excuse most often expressed is “Because I love him/her” or “we have a child”. Someone who was very close to me used the latter so long that the child is almost an adult. But being in that environment, lead the child to develop many of the negative behaviors. So we are forced to wonder if it was the right choice. In my opinion it wasn’t. I think the only way people change behavior is being forced out of there comfort zone. The biggest reason this behavior exists, is because someone allows it. By breaking up or forcing someone out of the home you share you send an important message “I am NOT Going to take it!” Depending on the circumstance it
could just be temporary.

Let me take another less extreme example, a friend of my wife’s lets call her N, after just gotten out of a long term semi-abusive relationship (semi-means it only happened when he drank).She got involved with a different guy, (with my wife’s urging) who turned out to be a player. The kind of busy guy that doesn’t call you until about 1:00 Am Friday night. When he orders her to call a cab and come over. For reasons I can’t quite fathom she keeps going back, even though he makes her pay for the cab!

Almost without fail, the next morning he gives her a speech explaining that his friends are very important, and that he has too much to do to be bothered with her silliness. If all this wasn’t bad enough, she finds e-mail after e-mail to other girls, sometimes mocking her. She calls my wife Trish with more and more stories. Trish feels responsible and wants to scream at the guy and beat him up. I think that’s useless, because this guy knows what he is doing, the same thing at least 50% of men would do. He’s getting his cake and eating it to, which is normal when your young adults (there both in there mid 20’s). I think it falls to N to stop making the booty calls if she wants some respect. But as she is fond of saying “I fell in love with him.”

So I ask who is to blame?

Also what are some of your reasons for staying in a bad relationship?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 18:57:03 GMT

Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!" :-)